In the big scheme of things, the day to day interaction with my kids never seemed like a big deal. There was always tomorrow. However, breaking it down to hours and minutes, and taking out time for work, sleep, and other necessities, there are maybe 25 to 30 hours per week that it is possible to interact with your kids. That is only 17 percent of all time - not only your time, but your kid's time as well.
Think about that. That means that 83 percent of your kid's childhood will be spent without you. And that is a best case scenario. More than likely, the average dad spends something along the lines of 5 to 8 hours per week interacting or less! That means that only 2 percent of your total time - and theirs are spent interacting! In addition, childhood has a shelf-life. And that shelf-life goes way quicker that can be imagined.
The average pop probably spends way more time watching TV, yet he does not identify himself as a TV viewer, he identifies himself as a dad - even though, based on time (and sometimes - lets be honest - importance) he actually can be better described as a TV viewer.
I am not preaching. I put myself squarely in the TV Viewer camp. Now that my kids are grown and gone, however, I wish I could go back, delete a lot more TV time, and add in a lot more dad time, because it was the dad times that I remember and cherish.
Okay, on to a question.
Dear Dad Dude,
I try to spend time with my teenager, but she doesn't seem to want to spend time with me. I try to do things that she is interested in, but she always seems to come up with an excuse. How can I connect with her in a meaningful way?
- Left Out on the Left Coast
Dear Lefty,
Hopefully, you have cultivated a relationship with your daughter from an early age. A lot of the time, lets face it, little kids are boring. They're cute for a while but, because you have an adult brain, the level they are on is one you left behind long ago - hopefully. I am assuming you did not sufficiently cultivate the relationship early on as if you did, most likely you would still have one now - assuming you did not do something to jeopardize it along the way - like embarrass her in front of her friends by just being you.
I think the best thing to do is to get her alone somewhere (maybe driving her somewhere?) and talk to her. Tell her what you want and ask her how it can happen. Ask her - don't assume - what she would like to do. Find something that the two of you can do together - where there is no chance of running into one of her friends.
Whatever you do, don't give up! A lot of dads pull away from their daughters as they mature. I commend you for trying to be there at a time she needs to have a positive male role model the most!
That's it! Another installment in the can. If you read it and even kind of liked it, send a link to everyone you ever heard of! Also, please know that I am in no way trained in family counseling or am I a doctor or any kind of relationship professional. Agree or not - the choice is 100% yours!
Thanks for reading!
Write your questions to; daddude@wi.rr.com
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