The "P" Word

     As you may have noticed, I haven't posted in a while - a long while.  I could come up with a lot of great excuses but if I am honest with myself, there is really only one reason - I procrastinated.  I started out with grand intentions to do this twice per week.  I proclaimed my determination not to let it fade, but fade it has and I have only myself to blame.
     Now to tie this to the subject at hand - fatherhood.  It is easy, when you are fresh out of the delivery room to make all kinds of grand promises to yourself about how great a dad you are going to be.  It is astonishing, however, how quickly those promises can be forgotten.  At 2 a.m. when it's your turn for the feeding after three months of interrupted sleep.  During a play date when your kid is being a snot.  After a nightmare day at work when your kid wants to play a game.
     Here is the thing.  When the promises are broken - and they will be, just pick your butt up and get back in the game.  You can't undo what you did (or didn't) do.  You can only do the right thing in the present so act like a shoe commercial and just do it!  Moping around over your past transgressions gets you nowhere.  Learn from them and move on!  Quit procrastinating!  Do it now!

On to an actual letter.

     Dear Dad Dude,

     My daughter is involved in a dance group that has several competitions every year. She is nine and has been doing this for three years already. At the beginning she really loved it, but now it seems that she is almost trapped. She hates to practice at home but claims to love the competitions, while in actuality she doesn't do well and stresses out.   

    Also, there is a new teacher who doesn't use the same encouraging methods and favors certain other students. We are thinking we should force her to quit, and have been trying to encourage her soccer skills. Every time we ask her if she wants to quit, she strongly asserts that she wants to stay in the group. If she drops out, even for a while, she will lose her spot in the dance troupe, and she doesn't want to do that. What would you advise?

Cecile Lepidoptra

   
     Dear Cecile,

     There may be a reason she wants to stay in the troupe that she isn't telling you.  It may be peer pressure or a boy she likes or maybe even a fear of losing her identity.  What I would do is ask her why she wants to continue.  Once you have the reasons, you can set goals to ensure those reasons are coming to fruition.  Periodically, you can both review the progress of those goals, using the information to decide if this, or maybe another troupe, or leaving dance altogether is the best for her. 

     Also, were I you, I would also examine my own motivation for wanting her to quit.  Is it because I feel she is being harmed?  Or is it because I find it hard to see her in turmoil over the competition?  Or am I just tired of the battle of getting her to practice?

    As to the teacher, your daughter will have to deal with all types of authority figures in her life.  Unless this teacher is abusive, just be there to help your daughter to be able to cope with and maybe even excel under this type of teacher.  Then she'll have that going for her!

-Dad Dude

Well, that's it!  Another installment in the can. If you read it and even kind of liked it, send a link to everyone you ever heard of!   Also, please know that I am in no way trained in family counseling or am I a doctor or any kind of relationship professional.  Agree or not - the choice is 100% yours!
 
     Thanks for reading!

Oh, and PLEASE write your questions to; daddude@wi.rr.com