Relating this to fatherhood, I remember when my girls, Stephanie and Amanda were small children. I thought, irrationally, that they would always be small. But that growing thing snuck up on me. I never saw it happen on a day to day basis, but they did indeed grow all the way up and I was left to wander the halls of my childless home, looking at pictures and wondering what happened. How did it get away from me?
Now it's not all bad. My wife, Chris and I have had the chance to reconnect and I am thoroughly enjoying that (nudge, nudge)! But there are times when I just miss my kids. I miss being Dad.
In my closet is a t-shirt. I keep it out in the open, folded with the chest showing. On the chest is a picture of Stephanie and Amanda at the ages of maybe nine and six. It is a novelty shirt from the state fair. Chris took the girls that beautiful August day. I had to work.
The picture is, to me, priceless. You can see summer reflected back in the girls tanned, smiling faces. Amanda's missing a front tooth and Stephanie has a far off look. Their hair is frizzy, probably from rides on the midway and the picture is framed in balloon letters, "We Love Dad!"
I think I've only worn that shirt maybe three times in the seventeen years since it was presented to me because I want it to last forever. In all that time, there is one question that I have never been able to satisfactorily answer, Why did I not take off of work and go with them to the fair?
Okay, on that note, let's take a question from the make believe audience.
Dear Dad Dude,
I'm a divorced father with half-time custody of two boys ages 10 and 12. I am serious about a woman that has full custody of a daughter, age 7. Our kids have yet to meet, but I would really like to move the relationship to the next level. Any suggestions?
Ready to Plunge
Dear Ready,
Statistically, what you are proposing (pardon the pun) has a low chance of success. Anytime two people try to cast their lot together, there are going to be problems - as I'm sure you are well aware having failed once at it already. Now in addition to just the two of you, you are throwing children of varying ages and backgrounds into the mix - probably against their will. And you have your ex's tossed in - just for laughs. And that's before you take into account extended families and friends.
Now, that being said, you can improve your odds by openly communicating as much as possible. If anyone (well, probably not the ex's) has the slightest concern (including yourself), it needs to be brought out into the open and talked out to everyone's satisfaction. I don't think it is a bad idea to get a family councilor on retainer as a disinterested third party for the inevitable problems that will come up.
I know, the heart wants what it wants and that's fine. It may all work out and it might even be the best thing that ever happened to all of you. Keep a positive attitude. Make note of the hazards, but focus on the fairway!
That's it! Another installment in the can. If you read it and even kind of liked it, send a link to everyone you ever heard of! Also, please know that I am in no way trained in family counseling or am I a doctor or any kind of relationship professional. Agree or not - the choice is 100% yours!
Thanks for reading!
Write your questions to; daddude@wi.rr.com
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