The King of the Castle

     I was on a bike ride with my niece and nephew, ages 9 & 10, the other day.  As I was shepherding them down the bike path on the ten mile ride, a thought occurred to me.  I miss this.  I miss being the all knowing, all powerful lord of the manor.
       Now that my daughters are adults with their own lives - oh they still claim they need me, but it's not the same - it's down to just Chris and me.  I love Chris and all, but she will never regard me as being the all knowing, all powerful lord of the manor.  No how - no way!  (of course I wouldn't want that anyway - would I?)
     Okay, I think I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "What are you, some kind of megalomaniac?" Aren't you?  I know, I know, saying I miss being the all knowing, all powerful lord of the manor sounds bad.  In fact it sounds down right narcissistic, but I do not intend it that way.
    It was just very nice, very rewarding to be, well, Dad.  The Dad you go to for answers, the Dad that kicks your butt when you get out of line, the Dad that is there to comfort you when you fall off your bike, the Dad that shields you from the enormity the big cold world and metes it out to you in doses you can digest, the Dad that opens the full world of possibilities to you, the Dad that goads you on to finish that ride all the way.
     It was just very cool to be that guy, and now it is over, the job is complete, and I never really thought it would be.  I never even saw it happen, but now it is just so. 

   Oh well, on to a letter.  We have an actual letter this week.  The fact that I have an actual letter is the reason I even decided to quit rationalizing being too busy and revisit this blog for the first time in a long, long time.  I'd say that I will try to do better, but I know me.
  Okay, here is the letter.

Here is a current situation: My granddaughters will be attending a new school in 
a few weeks. They are entering fourth and sixth grades and they have been in 
their present school since preschool. They are very negative about the move. I 
will be picking them up after school four days per week and I know it will be a 
difficult period of transition for them. What suggestions do you have for me to 
be of help to them? 
  - Sent from my iPad 

     Dear Sent from my iPad,
     Obviously no child want's to go to a new school and naturally there will be a ton of resistance to it. How it all plays out will depend, first on your granddaughters' attitude, second on the other kids in the school, and third on the school itself.  Seeing as you have no control over the other kids and the school, let's focus on the girls.
    I suggest that you work on bolstering their attitudes before they set foot in the new school.  Remind them of other times in their lives when they resisted change, only to find out later the change was for the better.  You could tell them this is their opportunity to be anyone they want to be because no one knows them.  Hammer home that how they act will determine how they are perceived.  Sure, it's a downer they had to leave the school they were comfortable with, but new opportunities await.  Tell them it's normal to be cautious of the unknown, but that you will be there to help them through.
    Then, when you pick them up, ask them how the new opportunities are panning out.  Listen intently.  Make sure that what they perceive as negatives actually are, and if they are, offer them the tools to deal with them.  And ask them how they might have handled situations differently for better results.
    You are doing your granddaughters a huge service here.  By helping them through this major change, you will be helping them to deal with major changes for the rest of their lives.  I take my hat off to you!
-Dad Dude

 
     Well, that's it!  Another installment in the can. If you read it and even kind of liked it, send a link to a friend or six.   Also, please know that I am in no way trained in family counseling or am I a doctor or any kind of relationship professional.  I am just a dude that's been there.   Agree or not - the choice is 100% yours!
 
     Thanks for reading!

Oh, and PLEASE write your questions to; daddude@wi.rr.com

(PS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHANIE!!!)

Practice, practice, practice

    In my last post, I detailed how I had a major mouth malfunction at a milestone moment in life.  So you don't think I am a complete dweeb, I decided to relate a story of words coming out of my mouth that hit the mark.
New- but familiar situation;  my youngest daughter was going to her senior prom.
    We were at the photo shoot at the parents of one of her friends and it was time for me to take my leave.  Before I went, I walked up to her and her friends and began to admonish them.  "Now there will be no drinking at this dance or at the after party - right?"
    "No!" they all answered in unison. 
    "And no drugs?"
    "Of course not!"
    "And there will be no hooking up?"
     By now my daughter was becoming exasperated.  She moaned, "Come on Dad!"
    I said, "That's not an answer!  No hooking up?"
    "NO!"
    I rubbed my chin for a moment, staring at them.  "Wow, that sounds like a really boring party!"
    I was an instant hero.

On to the postal pile


Dear Dad Dude,
    My wife and I are having a disagreement about our 11 yr old son.  She wants to let him play Pop Warner football and I am afraid he's going to get permanently injured.   He is really good in sports and he really wants to play, but the thought of him being laid up is too much for me to handle.  I just can't fight the both of them.  How do I get my wife to come to my side?
- Determined to Win

Dear Winnie,
   Well, thank you very much!  Now no one can say this blog is cliche!
   Okay, here's the thing.  You asked the wrong question which leads me to believe that you do not compromise well.  The question should be, "Am I being unreasonable?"  The answer to that question is, no you are not.  BUT, that is not to say your son should not play football.  The three of you should sit down and discuss the problem rationally.  Maybe you know someone that has an old football injury that you can get an opinion from.  At the very least, I would talk to the coach and find out about the safety precautions the team and the league take.
    You cannot protect your son all his life.  Sometimes he is going to be in less than safe situations.  But you also do not need to allow him to take unnecessary risks.  I guess the three of you need to decide how necessary this risk is.  You three are just going to have to make the call.
    There.  That's enough talking out both sides of my mouth.  I know I was absolutely no help at all.  Oh well - Good luck!


Well, that's it!  Another installment in the can. If you read it and even kind of liked it, send a link to everyone you ever heard of!   Also, please know that I am in no way trained in family counseling or am I a doctor or any kind of relationship professional.  Agree or not - the choice is 100% yours!
 
     Thanks for reading!

Write your questions to; daddude@wi.rr.com



  

Hakuna Matata my Butt

  

      I  remember back when my little girls were really little.  To date myself, we're talking back in the early 90's.  I thought I had a pretty good bead on things.  Oh sure, I recall my wife expressing some displeasure at my lack of assistance in the rearing department... and the cleaning department... and the cooking department...  and the money earning department... and I seem to recall something about the way I dressed, but life as I saw it - was pretty good.
     What a fool I was.  Rather than brushing off her complaints and wishing she would lighten up, I should have listened and addressed the things she was talking about.  I would be a better person today with richer memories if I had.  My marriage would have been better and my relationship with my kids would have been better.  Not that these things are bad - They are actually very good now.
    In fact it is the goodness in these relationships - despite my lack of performance - that makes me wish I had performed better, makes me wish I had been a better father and husband.
    Oh well, I need to get over it - it's all in the past, right?
    Not so fast.   Here is the real problem.  Despite my regrets about the past, I continue on the same path to this very day.  Right now, my wife is cleaning the kitchen and is about to go upstairs to vacuum.  I sit blogging to no one in particular - maybe even no one at all.  Later this evening when I am watching TV, one of my daughters will probably call.  Will I give her my undivided attention?  No, I'll be all distracted watching TV instead of spending cherished moments with her on the phone.  I am a hopeless schlub!

Okay, on to a question.

Dear Dad Dude,
     I constantly have to nag my husband to get him to do anything.  And that's just to do his stuff!  Seeing him actually lift a finger to do something for me is just too much to hope for.  I am tired.  Tired of having to pull the wagon all the time.  I do love the lug and he is a good guy at heart, but soon, I am going to have to kill him.  Help me!
- Had it to Here in Helena

Dear Had it,
     If you read what I wrote above, you will see that I might relate to your husband quite well.  Here is what I recommend on how to deal with him.  First, stop nagging.  Do it cold turkey.  You have probably just become marriage white noise.  He is not even hearing you.
     Second, sit him down with no distractions and have a heart to heart talk with him.  Tell him how hard life is for you and that he is adding to the problem.  Tell him in no uncertain terms exactly what he needs to do for you to keep your sanity.  Tell him you are not going to nag him anymore - that you are going to talk with him.  Ask him to repeat the problem back to you to be sure he understands it.  Ask him how he thinks the problem can be solved.  Listen to him.  Work it out together.
     Third, follow through.  Don't nag him under any circumstances.  Just before bed time, review the day with him.  Tell him where he fell short and then tell him what he did that you appreciated.  Ask him how he thinks he did.  Ask him how you did.
     I think you will find that by treating him as an adult and a partner, that he will begin to act like it.  If not, you may want to evaluate your man choosing skills.


That's it!  Another installment in the can. If you read it and even kind of liked it, send a link to everyone you ever heard of!   Also, please know that I am in no way trained in family counseling or am I a doctor or any kind of relationship professional.  Agree or not - the choice is 100% yours!
 
     Thanks for reading!

Write your questions to; daddude@wi.rr.com