There's Always Tomorrow .... NOT!

     In the big scheme of things, the day to day interaction with my kids never seemed like a big deal.  There was always tomorrow.  However, breaking it down to hours and minutes, and taking out time for work, sleep, and other necessities, there are maybe 25 to 30 hours per week that it is possible to interact with your kids.  That is only 17 percent of all time - not only your time, but your kid's time as well.
     Think about that.  That means that 83 percent of your kid's childhood will be spent without you.  And that is a best case scenario.  More than likely, the average dad spends something along the lines of 5 to 8 hours per week interacting or less!   That means that only 2 percent of your total time - and theirs are spent interacting!  In addition, childhood has a shelf-life.  And that shelf-life goes way quicker that can be imagined.
     The average pop probably spends way more time watching TV, yet he does not identify himself as a TV viewer, he identifies himself as a dad - even though, based on time (and sometimes - lets be honest - importance) he actually can be better described as a TV viewer.
     I am not preaching.  I put myself squarely in the TV Viewer camp.  Now that my kids are grown and gone, however, I wish I could go back, delete a lot more TV time, and add in a lot more dad time, because it was the dad times that I remember and cherish.

     Okay, on to a question.

Dear Dad Dude,
     I try to spend time with my teenager, but she doesn't seem to want to spend time with me.  I try to do things that she is interested in, but she always seems to come up with an excuse.  How can I connect with her in a meaningful way?
- Left Out on the Left Coast

Dear Lefty,
     Hopefully, you have cultivated a relationship with your daughter from an early age.  A lot of the time, lets face it, little kids are boring.  They're cute for a while but, because you have an adult brain, the level they are on is one you left behind long ago - hopefully.  I am assuming you did not sufficiently cultivate the relationship early on as if you did, most likely you would still have one now - assuming you did not do something to jeopardize it along the way - like embarrass her in front of her friends by just being you. 
   I think the best thing to do is to get her alone somewhere (maybe driving her somewhere?) and talk to her.  Tell her what you want and ask her how it can happen.  Ask her - don't assume - what she would like to do.  Find something that the two of you can do together - where there is no chance of running into one of her friends.
    Whatever you do, don't give up!  A lot of dads pull away from their daughters as they mature.  I commend you for trying to be there at a time she needs to have a positive male role model the most!


That's it!  Another installment in the can. If you read it and even kind of liked it, send a link to everyone you ever heard of!   Also, please know that I am in no way trained in family counseling or am I a doctor or any kind of relationship professional.  Agree or not - the choice is 100% yours!
 
     Thanks for reading!

Write your questions to; daddude@wi.rr.com

A Toe in the Water

Hello out there in blog land.  Thank you for clicking onto my first ever blog.
     My name is Steve and I am in the process of writing a book called A Fatherhood Instruction Manual.  I have some experience at this, (the fatherhood stuff, not the writing stuff) as I have helped to raise two daughters to full and complete, society contributing adulthood.  Although I am quite biased, I think they both turned out pretty darn well - even though there were many missteps along the way.
     Now, assuming that I know a thing or two about being a dad, (I know, BIG assumption) and knowing that I want to share this assumed wisdom with whomever would deem to find it valuable - or at least somewhat entertaining, it seems to me that I need to be able to string a few coherent words together in a meaningful way. In order to bolster that effort, I am now officially a blogger.  Hopefully I haven't lost you yet with my inexperienced word stringing.
    So, anyway, here is my plan for this blog.  I am going to try to come up with a fatherhood type problem or dilemma, either of my own invention or - if anybody ever reads this thing  - from questions from the blogosphere.  As we go along, (my current goal is to write twice per week - unless I get popular or something crazy like that) I will maybe write a little about myself so anyone can ascertain the validity of any advice spewing from my keyboard.
     Now I think I've droned on too long already so let me get to an easy question to kick things off.

Dear Dad Dude,
     My 12 year old son seems to constantly torment his 8 year old sister.  Nothing I do seems to stop it.  I've tried yelling at him and punishing him, but still he persists.  What can I do?
-Frustrated in Fresno

Dear Frustrated,
     OK, I wasn't expecting such a hard question right off the bat, but seeing as that's what my fingers typed, here goes.  Before you do anything else, I think you should take a step back - way back and look at yourself.  What type of a man are you?  Do you live a decent life?  Do you live by a code of ethics?  Do you live by the golden rule?  Next take a hard look at your relationship with your son's mother.  How do you and her interact?  Is your son mirroring that relationship?  If you have any unsatisfactory answers to any of these questions, then you need to address them.  Always keep in mind that our kids derive a good deal of their behavior based on what they see in us.
     Next, have a meaningful talk with your son.  Ask him what he thinks is going on.  Try to do so in a non- threatening way.  If you can get him to admit there is a problem, ask him to come up with a solution to that problem.  Then ask him for a plan to implement that solution.  Once the plan is implemented, check back with him regularly and ask him how the plan is going and if any adjustments need to be made.
     Finally, let your daughter know what is going on and that you are there for her.
     If you do all this and still have a problem, it is far deeper than can be handled by some goofy guy in a blog.  Seek family counseling.


Well, thus concludes my first blog.  If you read it and even kind of liked it, please feel free to recommend it to everyone you know who has a computer.  Also, please know that I am in no way trained in family counseling or am I a doctor or any kind of relationship professional.  Agree or not - the choice is 100% yours!
     Thanks for reading!